Stress Less, Laugh More, and Let People In
At this week’s caregiver support group, we talked about something that comes up again and again in caregiving, the push and pull between holding it all together and learning to let others in.
Caregiving asks so much of a person. It asks for patience, flexibility, endurance, compassion, humor, grief management, problem-solving, and the ability to pivot constantly. Sometimes all before 9:00 a.m.
And yet, even in the heaviness, there are moments of connection, laughter, tenderness, and unexpected beauty.
That is why we gather.
One of the reminders that surfaced during our conversation was this:
Separate the Person from the Disease
It sounds simple, but in practice, it can be incredibly difficult. Dementia changes behaviors, moods, memory, motivation, communication, and personality. It can feel deeply personal when someone withdraws, repeats, resists, lashes out, or stops responding the way they once did.
But the disease is speaking loudly.
Underneath it is still the person you love.
Sometimes remembering that helps us soften, even just a little.
Mind Your Energy, It Matters
We also talked about the energy we bring into the room as caregivers.
Our nervous systems are constantly communicating with the people around us. When we are anxious, rushed, frustrated, or depleted, those feelings often ripple outward. The opposite is true, too. A calm voice, a slower pace, a gentle touch, or even one deep breath can completely shift an interaction.
This does not mean caregivers should magically stay calm all the time. Caregiving is hard. Exhausting. Emotional. Human.
But it does mean that caring for yourself is not selfish. It is part of the caregiving.
So ask yourself:
What fills my cup?
What helps me reset?
What helps me feel grounded, even briefly?
Sometimes it is a walk. Sometimes it is music. Sometimes it is sitting in the car for five quiet minutes before going inside. Sometimes it is simply hearing someone say, “I understand.”
Let People Help You
This topic sparked a lot of conversation in the group because asking for help is hard for many caregivers.
Many people are so used to being the helper that receiving support feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or even vulnerable.
But here is the truth: Getting help often makes you a better caregiver.
And something else worth remembering, helping someone feels good. When we allow others to support us, we are not burdening them. We are giving them an opportunity to show up with love and purpose.
Caregiving was never meant to happen in isolation.
Sometimes people genuinely want to help, but they do not know how. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try giving someone one specific thing:
Pick up groceries
Sit with your loved one for an hour
Make a phone call
Drop off dinner
Walk the dog
Help research resources
Small support still counts.
One resource we shared with the group was this helpful article on the art of asking for and accepting help as a caregiver:
The Art of Asking for and Accepting Help as a Family Caregiver
A Book Worth Sharing
We also talked about a very special member of our Project Present community, Mary Rachelski.
Mary and her husband Andy have been part of Project Present programming since 2018 and have been navigating the dementia journey together for nearly a decade. Early in her diagnosis journey, Mary wrote a book knowing that her memory would eventually change over time.
Her book is titled:
How God Worked in My Life by Mary Rachelski
Stories like Mary’s matter. They remind us that every person living with dementia still has a voice, a story, wisdom, humor, and humanity worth honoring and preserving.
Great Quotes from Our Caregivers
“Everybody is doing their best.”
“Slow down.”
“Enjoy the moments you have.”
“This disease is beautifully unpredictable.”
"Let go.”
The Importance of Humor
We also spent time discussing humor because it matters. A lot.
Caregiving can be heartbreaking, but it can also be absurd, surprising, and unintentionally funny. Sometimes laughter is the thing that gets us through the next hour.
Humor helps reduce stress, strengthens connection, and gives the nervous system a moment to breathe.
At Project Present, we often say that laughter and joy are not distractions from hard things. They are part of how we survive hard things.
Sometimes you genuinely laugh. Sometimes you fake laugh until your brain catches up. Honestly, both count.
This article, which we shared with the group, speaks beautifully to the importance of maintaining a sense of humor while caregiving:
Keeping Your Sense of Humor as a Family Caregiver
And, in true support-group fashion, we ended our session with a couple of jokes.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1 🤣
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry. 😂
