When Communication Changes: Meeting Your Loved One Where They Are
One of the most common challenges caregivers face is communication.
As dementia progresses, communication changes. The words that once came easily may become harder to find. Conversations may take longer. Simple requests may suddenly feel complicated. These changes can be frustrating, confusing, and exhausting for everyone involved.
But understanding what is happening beneath the surface can help us respond with greater patience, compassion, and confidence.
Understanding Processing Time
During a recent Project Present caregiver support group, we spent time discussing changes in processing speed and how they affect daily interactions.
For some individuals living with dementia, it may take 60 to 90 seconds to understand and respond to a simple instruction. What seems straightforward to us may actually require many separate cognitive steps.
Take a request such as, "Go get your coat."
To complete that task, a person may need to:
Understand the words being spoken
Figure out how to stand up
Determine where to go
Remember where the coat is located
Recognize the coat
Open a door or closet
Retrieve the coat
By the time one step is completed, the original instruction may already be forgotten.
When we understand this reality, we can adjust our expectations and our approach. Instead of repeating ourselves louder or faster, we can slow down.
Simple strategies include:
Giving one instruction at a time
Breaking tasks into smaller steps
Using short, clear language
Supporting words with gestures or visual cues
Allowing extra time for a response
Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is patience.
Reducing Resistance with Positive Action Starters
Many caregivers struggle when a loved one resists care tasks such as bathing, dressing, eating, or taking medication.
One helpful approach comes from dementia educator Teepa Snow and her Positive Action Starters (PAS). These simple communication tools can reduce refusals and create more cooperation.
Ask for Help
People often respond positively when they feel valued.
"You are so good at this. Would you help me?"
Try
Instead of directing, invite participation.
"Could we try this?"
Offer a Choice
Providing simple options can create a sense of control.
"This or that?"
Keep It Short and Simple
Avoid overwhelming someone with too much information at once.
"It's about time to get ready."
Go Step by Step
Offer only the first piece of the task.
"Lean forward."
Then pause.
These approaches help us work with the person rather than against them.
The Power of Nonverbal Communication
One of the most important reminders from our discussion was that communication is about far more than words.
Research suggests that a significant portion of communication is nonverbal. Facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, eye contact, pacing, and gestures all communicate emotion and intent.
This is especially important when supporting someone living with dementia.
Even as verbal language changes, many people continue to respond strongly to emotional cues. They may not remember every word that was said, but they often remember how an interaction felt.
Our loved ones are constantly reading our nonverbal signals.
If we are rushed, frustrated, anxious, or tense, those feelings can be communicated without us saying a word.
The encouraging news is that the opposite is also true.
A calm voice, gentle expression, relaxed posture, and warm smile can communicate safety, connection, and reassurance.
Sometimes the most meaningful conversations happen without words at all.
Caring for the Caregiver
While much of caregiving focuses on supporting another person, it is equally important to care for yourself.
Two powerful tools we discussed were therapy and time in nature.
The Healing Power of Nature
Nature is one of the simplest and most accessible ways to support emotional and physical well-being.
Spending time outdoors can:
Reduce stress
Improve mood
Decrease feelings of loneliness
Support cognitive health
Increase energy and reduce fatigue
Whether it is a walk through a park, sitting on a porch, tending a garden, or simply noticing the trees outside your window, nature offers opportunities to slow down and reconnect.
Therapy as a Form of Support
Caregiving can bring grief, guilt, overwhelm, sadness, frustration, and uncertainty.
Therapy provides a safe place to process those emotions without judgment.
Working with a therapist can help caregivers:
Develop healthy coping strategies
Prevent burnout
Establish boundaries
Manage stress
Navigate grief and loss
Feel less alone
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It is a way of sustaining yourself for the journey ahead.
Small Shifts, Meaningful Connections
One of the themes that emerged throughout our discussion was this:
Small changes often make a big difference.
Slowing down.
Using fewer words.
Paying attention to body language.
Breaking tasks into smaller steps.
Stepping outside for fresh air.
Asking for support when you need it.
These may seem like small adjustments, but they can transform daily interactions and reduce stress for both caregivers and those they support.
Caregiving is not about doing everything perfectly. It is about staying present, remaining flexible, and finding new ways to connect as circumstances change.
And sometimes, that begins with simply taking a breath and meeting your loved one exactly where they are.
Resources
Teepa Snow Positive Approach to Care
https://teepasnow.com
Find a Therapist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Caregiver Connection: Project Present Caregiver Support Groups
We offer free caregiver support groups three times each month, both online and in person, providing education, resources, and connection with others who understand the caregiving journey.
Caregiver Camp: Project Present’s Four-Week Caregiver Intervention
Our evidence-based caregiver communication program helps family caregivers build confidence, improve communication, reduce stress, and develop practical tools for navigating caregiving challenges.
For information about any Project Present program, contact us at projectpresentstl@gmail.com or call 314-749-8302. To access the full schedule, visit projectpresent.org/calendar.
A Little Laughter
My teacher told me I'd never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
"Just you wait." 🤣
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey."
The horse replies, "Sure." 😂
